Finger Lickin’ Good Reviews From Porn O’Phile

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Reviewed are SUITE DREAMS (TitanMen.Com), MEASURE UP (C1R.Com), BAR BACK (RagingStallion.Com), HOT SPOT (C1R.Com), LOCK DOWN (RagingStallion.Com), EASY RIDERS (C1R.Com), KIP NOLL & THE WESTSIDE BOYS – 30TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION (C1R.Com), ALL YOU CAN EAT (XY-Studios.Us), HEAD MASTERS (VCAPictures.Com), softcore I DREAMT UNDER THE WATER (TLAReleasing.Com), book UNCENSORED (VillageLighthouse.Com), and softcore book RETURN TO THE CAFFE CINO (MovingFingerPress.Com).

BUT FIRST: Here's a new photo of me after interviewing ten models, the producer, the director, the videographer, and the make-up artist on a movie set--for FIVE HOURS solid. The very kind producer didn’t want anyone on the set to feel left out. I agreed, they were all so charming. The result is that they’ll each get about two words in the competed article and then teach their children to hate journalists. My hair was black when I started.

By the way, because of my Colonel Sanders looks, I was asked casually by the producer if I'd consider playing a "daddy" role. I said, "Yes, on these three conditions:

Number One-
I don't take off anything but my shoes.
Two-
You must take a sexy and suggestive close-up of me slipping them off.
Three-
If I take out my teeth to accommodate a really big star, you NEVER shoot my gums!
That's all.”

SUITE DREAMS (TitanMen.Com) In a right pretty little country inn or hotel somewhere in Europe (a bidet sits beside the toilet), a handsome guest takes no nonsense when he calls in the cute bellboy. He just undresses the lad, grabs him by the cock, and hauls him into the shower. In the dining-room, a pair of collegiate-looking pals treat a wispy waiter the same way. These aren’t at all the hard-bodied, grim-eyed macho guys you might expect from the “Titan” label. Both youths and twinks are all pretty, smooth, un-tattooed, and videographed by director Richie Oldmann like precious objects rather than like male monuments. Three sweeties arrange themselves in a geometric combination, rather like the men in those exotic-location movies by Kristen Bjorn, Lucas Kazan, or Csabas Borbely. But those directors’ casts are implausibly-muscled athletes. I used to call their movies “Roid Robots in Resorts.” This one would better be called, “Lovely Lads in Luxury.” A couple of nice boys arriving at the inn kiss outdoors for the shocking blue sky to see, then indoors take in the first guy who strolls by while they fuck in the foyer. There’s no strain, except the strains of gently throbbing music playing softly in the background. And of course, as always in such pretty pictures, there’s that seismic shock when the pretty cheeks in the pretty parlor are pulled apart to reveal a hungry, hairy, grotesque, horny asshole. See a synopsis, and members may watch a hardcore preview or view on demand, and anyone of age may buy the delightful movie HERE.

2008 Chi Chi LaRue’s MEASURE UP (C1R.Com) in letterboxed widescreen, starts with a blond young carpenter using a brunet’s eight inches to measure a beam. While brunet blows him, Blond fingers his own fuzzy hole (measuring it?). Brunet measures it with tongue and fingers—at the same time! Sitting on crude stairs, Blond bounces on boner full length, helped by Brunet jacking him madly. Fucked out, Brunet sucks hole hungrily while both beat their meat, then eats it some more afterwards. Next, “How big is yours?” asks a moving-man caught measuring himself. His friend’s phallus turns out to be “fuckin’ over nine inches!” and so, as it turns out, are the first man’s throat and colon (after it’s been licked wide). Nine Inches has studs in his scrotum and Dopey tattooed on his thigh. In a stepped garden, two brunet landscapers make a blond one apologize at both ends for underestimating one of their endowments. The tightly-built beauties look literally hot while stacked or spread out in blazing sunlight. In the last, but damned sure not least scene, a lost tape-measure leads to discussion of boss Chad Hunt’s iconic erection, and a squirrel-eyed twink who must have been practicing with beer-cans absorbs it orally and Chad’s tongue and world-class cock anally. See FREE PREVIEW and buy HERE.

The wangs were made for widescreen in BAR BACK (RagingStallion.Com). Incredibly San Franciscan! In a carefully rustic-looking bar which is probably actually in the heart of the fourteenth-largest city in America, scruffy-bearded, tattooed men in jeans and boots maintain the frontier mythos. San Francsico’s machismo mystique allows these masculine archetypes to gobble cock, eat ass, and take clear up their own asses the taut tools of fellow-farmhands. And to take their own sweet time doing it: five couples and two solos (one by a young blond Jack Wrangler, Clint Wolf) in 144 minutes. The country/western attitude is perfectly expressed by one top, who, when his bottom gets off of his dick and walks away, removes a cum-filled condom and tosses it away. His attitude seems to say, “Jus’ gettin’ me some, pardners.” The remainder of the stellar cast is Antonio Biaggi, Justin Jameson, Logan McCree, Matthieu Paris, Max Schutler, Maximo DeLeon, Ricky Sinz, Scott Tanner, Tamas Eszterhazy, Vic Rocco, and Virgil Hawkins. See pics, detailed synopsis, and buy it HERE. See FREE TRAILER or download POD CUT HERE.

In 1997’s HOT SPOT (C1R.Com) “We want sex,” declare two perky yuppies in an adult toy shop (the “Hot Spot” of the title). The clerk describes (and we see) the backroom action: a vigorous fuck between two jockstrapped hunks, a rimming-sling session with a blond and an apparent blatino, a suit-and-tied apparently Arab businessmen drinking a plaid-shirted dude’s load, and a sawhorse-and-chains encounter between two tan-lined musclemen. The unbearably turned-on yuppies don’t even get to the back room. They threeway with the clerk right on his desk, one of them in eyeglasses. All this is, of course, strongly-directed by Chi Chi LaRue. Watch a free TRAILER and buy it HERE.

Don’t read this, just go get LOCK DOWN (RagingStallion.Com) and enjoy its extremes. Celebrating (in Italian) their successful kidnapping of a twink whom they’ve locked in a car trunk, an older bald man gets blown in a field by a younger cropheaded one. Youth rims man, but man fucks youth (over a truck’s fender). He’s da boss! He throws himself supine onto the truck hood, making the vehicle bounce, and Youth bounces on him. The ignored twink finds a cellphone, calls the cops, and the surprised pair are hustled to a ramshackle, badly overgrown prison. It’s no wonder that the grounds are neglected; the residents, whether tawny twinks, gruff toughs, or Mack-truck guards, spend every waking moment raping or accommodating each other in dark, fetid cells, in a surprisingly pristine shower, a horribly besmirched toilet, or a pathetic little clinic. Between sex, atmospheric shots of the yard and hallways build an ominous mood. Cast consists of Rod Stevans, Jack Dragon, Antonio Rinaldi, Chris Sparrow, Enrico Bellagio, Garcia Udolo, Greg Orson, James Jones, Renato Bellagio, Rick Bauer, Steve Hunt, and Devil. See pics and buy it HERE.

1992’s EASY RIDERS (C1R.Com) has, of all things, a surprise beginning (which I won’t reveal), but I can tell you it’s about a movie company (shooting in San Francisco’s sunny streets and parks) whose leading stud (wonderful Randy White) fucks his driver, then takes off for a reunion with college chums at a Sebastopol bike-race. During the race, the chums have a number of random sexual encounters in beautiful surroundings (including a bumpy fuck on a loft-bed), and there’s some drama, too, and then the star-stud heads back to his movie’s smash premiere and a not-surprising but very satisfactory happy ending. For collectors, the players are Adam Archer, Alvin Eros, Bill Marlowe, Dean Johnson, Hank Sterling, Jean Paul Cocteau, Tom Farrell, and Wes Daniels, plus a number of non-sexual players. Watch a free TRAILER and buy it HERE.

1979’s KIP NOLL & THE WESTSIDE BOYS – 30TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION (C1R.Com) In the days of the macho, mustached clone, baby-blond Kip Noll was something new to gay porn: the chicken as star (we didn’t yet say “twink). His success spawned several more Noll “brothers,” but none outshone the pouty, hung, young, young, young Kip. Here, he’s house-sitting in a West Hollywood mansion, and starts the day with a long-donged masturbation. While he’s out to exercise on a boy-filled beach, the poolman shags an insurance salesman. Kip brings friends back from the beach and shags one in a hot tub, which two others then use for the same purpose. Kip is then the centerpiece of a trio by a fireplace with slow-motion cumshots. All of this naughty nonsense is narrated by the director, who turns out to be none other than—that classical master, William Higgins (!!!). Watch a FREE TRAILER and buy the DVD HERE.

Jesus, the clean complexions on the kids in ALL YOU CAN EAT (XY-Studios.Us)! Two absurdly pretty Eurotwinks in see-through underwear (undoubtedly chosen by men) smear variously-colored goo on a third, suck and rim and fingerfuck him. After that, a bathtub blow-job and dildoing takes a while to catch your interest, but proceeds to. A lad who looks like the child of Jennifer Jason-Leigh solos while chewing on tennis shoes. A blond and a brunet beside a mirrored coffee-table suck snacks of sperm. A brunet faun dildos himself. Three final couples suck and/or fuck and/or dildo in cellophane paradises. Watch it online or buy it HERE.

Here’s an excellent collection of fifteen pre- (well, it doesn’t give a date, but most of these four-hour His Videos are dated pre-1995 or -1997) scenes. Sure, HEAD MASTERS (VCAPictures.Com) has a couple of losers. A leather trio trying to look like an amateur video doesn’t have to try very hard. But most of the duos and trios (and two twink solos) are capable and carnal, in modes from romantic to raunchy. And MY OWN PRIVATE MEXICO’S neat blond boy getting slowly, sensuously fucked by a plaid-shirted Latino car mechanic, A NIGHT AT HALSTED’s disco-scored red-lit sex-club where a naked twink finds leatherman-dick a mystic meal, and NIGHT WALK’s confrontation of young English gentlemen with iconic leathermen are mesmerizing. Buy it HERE. The cast, in case any were your favorites, includes Al Michaels, Alex Austin, Andre Bolla, Damian Michaels, Derek Bishop, Dwan, Eric Simmons, J.T. Sloan, Jason Broderick, John Hammond, John Rock, Johnny Roma, Kenneth Rogers, Max Stone, Rob Cryston, Ryan Block, Scott Cruise, Shane Patrick, Sonny Listz, and Steve Sudden.

Softcore I DREAMT UNDER THE WATER (TLAReleasing.Com) is a marvelous movie. 19 year-old Antonin has a terrible time. He’s terrified of coming out, he scares guys away with his nervousness, he worries his manless mother, he dreams of drowning, the junkie he’s secretly in love with dies in his arms. If this sounds like REBEL IN THE RYE, I’m telling it wrong. Antonin is neither a hero nor an anti-hero, nor is anyone he interacts with. They’re just human beings trying to get what they want from each other with whatever means they have. The story could be any of their stories. Anotnin is the center of attention because he’s pretty, but Hormoz doesn’t favor him by making everyone else shallow, stupid, and evil as American teen-angst movies so often do. Director Hormoz sets his tale in the dark discos and cruising grounds of Paris’ younger set. He makes a rich movie. The nocturnal side of his spectrum is ever-changing. And it feels like there are a hundred sets in the movie. Antonin deteriorates watching videos of his deceased desired one. He loses his cherry on amyl in an alley, and drifts into whoring for trolls. What happens after that is moving, believable, romantically tragic. It’s in French, but the titles are legible and in real English, not translaterese. There’s plenty of sex, nothing really XXX. We see a few cocks, but the out-and-out action happens below the frame. Buy it at a surprisingly low price HERE.

Book UNCENSORED (VillageLighthouse.Com) One hundred and ninety-two of Joe Oppedisano’s huge, glowing, colored photos of musclemen are indescribably varied, with a military/leather/hardhat/ bias. Bold as this assemblage is, it is not without subtleties. There’s an evocative photo of a nude smelling his hand, and a series of portraits of nice young businessmen in suits, next to their portraits in leather. There are some duos and trios. As far as overt sexual acts, there are some of masturbation (some cumming), a few assholes (one spurting), two rimmings, a suggested fuck, a suck, a self-suck, an ejaculation, even a kiss (almost obscene in the generally brutal context), fewer tattoos or cockrings than you’d expect, and everywhere, sheer glory in the anatomy and mythology of the fully-developed human male, set off and individualized by posture, costuming, environment, and—oh, yes--art. Pre-order for Christmas HERE.

RETURN TO THE CAFFE CINO (MovingFingerPress.Com) is a big, purple book, packed with 22 plays, 37 brief memoirs, and 51 photos from the Greenwich Village storefront coffeehouse which was THE BIRTHPLACE OF OFF-OFF BROADWAY AND OF GAY THEATRE . For the HARDCOVER edition, go
HERE. For the PAPERBACK edition, go HERE.

SEE ME ON VIDEO along with many other living legends of underground and gay theatre HERE. Go down to the segment marked THE CAFFE CINO (00:11:45) and click on WATCH SEGMENT. If you are then curious to know yet more about the Caffe Cino, you may find the Contents Page to fifty-four picture pages about it HERE until October 31st.

Check back next week for more Sinema by Porn O'Phile reviews.

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