A Dirty Dozen For You From Porn O’Phile and Free XXX Previews

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Reviewed are SERBIA from CollinONeal.Com, HAZZARD ZONE and three others from C1R.com, BREEDER FEVER and five others from FrenchConnXXX.Com, and softcore AN ANGEL NAMED BILLY and three others from Arzitical.Com.

SERBIA (CollinONeal.Com) One hundred and thirty-six minutes is a long time to sit still, but if you must, a hell of a good place to sit is in front of this clear, color-sharp movie. I’m not real sure where Serbia is, but according to this movie its men have great posture, big shoulders, no body fat at all, American underwear, fuzzy holes in hairless asses, and colons that suck hard on any cocks that get stuck in them. In a palatial interior, on a dingy stairwell, a trapper’s cabin, twice in a dark bar, and in a hotel room after a pick-up beside a sunset-stained river, muscular male posteriors get used as pure juicy pussies, and the big dicks attached to them get tugged and sucked like they were big, sensitive clits! One hole takes two dicks at once, but the movie was abuse-yourself exciting even before that. Buy it HERE.

Wheeee!!! Below, you have four more chances to try to learn to distinguish between Channel 1 Releasing, Rascal Video, All Worlds, Catalina Productions, Xtreme only @ LiveAndRaw.com, Dirk Yates Studios, Club Channel 1, Dirk Yates Live, and Chi Chi LaRue Collexxxion Signature Product Lines. Whew! I think that’s most of the interlocking companies advertised in crazy-quilt, kaledidoscopic style before each of the four very horny C1R.com releases below.

In the beautifully letterboxed HAZZARD ZONE (C1R.com), wide-shouldered Johnny Hazzard, who always looks like he’s going to take off his business suit to reveal a superhero costume, takes it off to reveal only (only?) his tattooed magnificence before he redresses it in cruising clothes (tank-top, jeans, boots) and heads out into the dark spaces of Hollywood’s The Zone sex club. Two other guys whose chosen Zone-gear is just jockstraps face-off in a hallway. Their shorn hair and scruffy beards seem to be one even growth from head to chin, and the older one’s strong black tattoos seem an outgrowth of his black jock. Smooth-thighed Older fucks hairy-thighed Younger with spit strung between their mouths. A bald “boss” type roams among jail cells. He’s joined by a crop-haired even-more-boss type, and they literally go nose-to-nose till Baldy goes down. Handsome Hazzard, who seems to have no dominance issues, joins them, literally; they use both his holes—and for a lonnnng time. His tensed body shows every muscle in high definition as he’s screwed. Hazzard also drops by to watch indescribably beautiful black Aron Ridge bugger Brodie Newport, but Ridge clearly needs no help. Enormous Vinnie D’Angelo also observes. He and Hazzard finally meet on stairs draped with camouflage net, which does nothing to camouflage a fantastic acrobatic fuck. See FREE TRAILER and buy the movie HERE. You may be prompted to click, “CONTINUE.”

Chaps in chaps (shaved all over), plus comic-book chinese and indians, plus drag-queens and even drag–kings all abound in 1996’s HUNG RIDERS 2 (C1R.com). This Catalina Video starts with a once-familiar scene: a young man enters a Kitkat theater to see porn onscreen. A summary of Hung Riders 1 shows a Clint Eastwoodish Old West dude sucking cock through long-johns while seeking “the gold,” which winds up in the hands of Chi Chi LaRue as the town madam, Miss Clitty. The plot this time is spurred by the search for “her” and that gold through joyfully conventional Western scenes of gunfights, guitar-playing, and groin-guzzling and –gouging, highlighted by a hilarious comic turn from Sharon Kane, definitely the best sport in the world, as a drunken good ol’ boy. Younger ol’ boys eat meat and bang butt over a bar, by a campfire, in a jail-cell (with foreskin), on rugged rocks (showing tanlines), and even in the springy seats of the Kitkat! See FREE TRAILER and buy the movie HERE. You may be prompted to click, “CONTINUE.”

1994’s IDOL UNIVERSE (C1R.com), another Catalina Video classic, is sixty-two smash minutes after closing in handsome Tony Idol’s Bar. The place takes forever to clean-up and shut down because the help won’t let each other alone. A built baldy and a tight-bodied brunet youth desanitize the stainless steel kitchen with sweat and cum. Their supervisor, voeyuring on them, almost shoots on the time-clock! Idol has heavy compensation for his woes, in the form of a bombshell butt-fucking blond named Bo Summers. A battleship-bodied brunet delivers a customer’s lost glasses and gets some silky-skinned donkey-dick as a tip. The customer cums on the muscleman’s cap-bill! The muscleman has failed to lock up Idol’s. The boss goes to meet the tall, super-pretty, dark-blond watchman. They make the Tiffany lamps on the bar jiggle till it’s opening time again! See FREE TRAILER and buy the movie HERE. You may be prompted to click, “CONTINUE.”

COLLEGE COCKS (C1R.com) from Dirk Yates, the king of Reality Show-All, is ten solos by sweet-natured, presumably straight, young studs, or, as a friend of mine called it, “ten more godforsaken, down-on-their-luck, lonesome American cowboys with no mammy or pappy to guide them sittin’ in that ol’ leather armchair makin’ a mistake they will never be able to explain to their own kids.” They chat with offscreen Yates while performing their own idea of a sexy strip and meat-beat. Often we can hear offscreen female porn. Yates intrudes only to the extent of making sure things stay lively enough to arouse you. The lads move to the leopard-skinned bed to finish (usually flashing some ass, too), and to tell some sweet stories of sexual experiences or fantasies. One chews gum throughout! Idea: if more women saw Dirk Yates movies and heard men intimately exposing their true natures, maybe they’d have more realistic expectations of their husbands? It’s a thought. Anyway, to summarize, this is yet another excellent jack-off movie, utterly uncriticizable, its market guaranteed and its appeal eternal. P.S.: There’s some flashbulbing, in case that bothers you. See FREE TRAILER and buy the movie HERE. You may be prompted to click, “CONTINUE.” BTW: the last masturbator, Jude Collin, has great looks, body, and boner and a whole lot of that indefinable thing called “glamor.”

BREEDER FEVER (AmateurStraightGuys.Com) This is from Doug and Jay, the Click and Clack of straight amateur gay porn, two guys in Arizona who keep what looks like a rotating open house for a sort of combination family album/realty show, each scene introduced by a folksy scrolling onscreen note describing what you’re about to see. If someone was passing around sandwiches and iced tea, you’d feel you were at a same-sex married couple’s home for Thanksgiving. Yuppie-looking Rodd takes a break from his girlfriend to get fucked by tattooed Axe. Kai and Spence (one blond and tattooed, one big and brick-faced) have agreed to do anything not involving being tied-up or blindfolded, and do some prolonged flipping and fingering (with the director joining in). Two younger/older couples get the scrolling note, “…the ‘boys’ didn’t walk right for a couple days after!” Then flashbulbs crash like crazy as a couple of dressed dudes jack a guy to a gusher, followed by a characteristic good ol’ boy chat in a shower. Finally at the behest of one producer, a youth wakes the other with a hard dick in the face. Buy this folksy homo home-movie HERE.

Do you like suit-and-tie executive daddies? Could it be because they’re always DOWN TO BUSINESS (OlderMale.Com)? Solar power windmills spin, passenger flights land, personal limos wait, vast expanses of gray highway speed by, dusty mountains loom, and palm trees tremble, and, hey voila!, we’re checking into a luxurious desert resort for mature business men, courtesy of The French Connection, Pantheon Productions, Hot Older Male, Chris Roma, and Real Men (of which this is Volume 16). The handsome cover dudes loosen up real fast in the low-lying, hacienda-type facilities of the resort. The center cover-man in the white shirt gets some expert bald head from a grinning attendant. At Attendant’s request, Coverman cornholes him on a chic leather sofa. The cover blond drives himself to the resort. His bags are taken by a balding graybeard with an impish smile and a fat cock. This hairy-chested Socrates gets sucked by red-faced Blond, then eats and buggers Blond’s untanned ass. Three more pairs of guys old enough to know what they’re doing (and having done to them!) meet and mate in the sun and shade. At last, the Blond and the beard from scenes one and two get together and treat each other like attendants! Buy HERE.

HOUSE DETECTIVE (FrenchConnXXX.Com) Way back in 1977, there were very few people willing to shoot gay porn. Those who were willing were allowed to have imagination and a sense of humor (can you imagine that?). Here, in an hour-long farce, a wacky hotel thinks it’s booking the LHA (Ladies’ Horticultural Association) when it’s actually hosting the LHA (League of Homosexual Activists)! There’s so much comedy, it’s twelve minutes in before the first sex! Not only is this delightfully silly farce loads of fun, the forty-two minute Vintage Trailers Extra is even more so. Buy this little treasure of laughs and long-ago lust HERE.

They couldn’t have picked a much better title for SEX IN THE SAND (FrenchConnXXX.Com). This hundred-minute, four-scene, letterboxed Belo Amigo Video takes full advantage of the visual beauty of some sun-swept tropic shore, and of the empathetic ecstasy your nerves feel when they see other men sticking their dicks into attractive faces and asses. There’s also lots of faces stuck into asses along the way. The faces are pretty and handsome, the asses are firm and furry, and the cocks long, hard, and mostly uncut. In scene one, if you glance away from the brownskinned buttfucking and gasp at the blue sky, bluer sea, and the bluest mountains, when you look back, you’ll find that the top and bottom have switched places, for in such scenic splendor, any sensitive man knows that the other man needs pussy, too! The bottom in scene three looks just like the lead in Scrubs. It’s fun to see him get fucked. But all the guys are good to look at, and now and then as they sprawl in the sunlight, masses of muscles connected at the crotch, you might feel you’re seeing Hephaestion fuck Alexander, or Patrocles stick it to Achilles. Buy HERE.

SURFERS ON THE LOOSE (FrenchConnXXX.Com) from Point Break Studios, also takes advantage of stunning seashore vistas to introduce its handsome hunks, but moves indoors for its six sunny sex scenes. An ideal athlete named Kris Steel showers, works out, and wanks for us. Before the movie’s done, two more beauties solo, alternating with three suck-and-fuck couples on the same bed (weekend time-share for sexy surfers?). all are trim and young and luscious in different ways. The top in scene two doubles his body back and shoots into his own mouth! The brunet twink-couple in scene four are just about too cute to be true. The jack-off jock in scene five paints himself blue with some rubberoid substance which splits where he does, as if he was wearing a blue tank-suit with a tear in the ass. Buy this slightly unusual but very erotic movie HERE.

WASSUP BRO 3 (Citebeur.Com) is yet another sultry collection of scenes of French street Arabs (sort of like America’s black “thugs”) with sodomy on their minds. Four shaky-camera, single-floodlight scenes in a derelict tenement are perhaps deliberately crude. Muscles flex among crumblign plaster and grubby cinder-blocks. Four more scenes in a little apartment are less “gonzo.” A subtitled, rapid-fire French voice introduces each scene. It all looks like excerpts from a public-access web-show. Francois Sagat, who got his start with Citebeur, appears in two scenes. HERE.

An after-school special for the School of Hard Knocks, softcore AN ANGEL NAMED BILLY (Arzitical.com) is an absolutely adorable 2007 movie which you already know, and only I missed, right? It’s by a well-known porn director who here uses the name Greg Osborne for a sweet young romance which is especially notable for its believable characters, including quite convincing old people, sick people, a fag-hag, swishy people, drug people, and prejudiced people, none of whom is either prettied- nor uglied-up. What a novel idea! Residential L.A. looks real, too! Billy is the only cute young boy ever to hit Hollywood without artistic aspirations. He left his dismal farm home because Daddy caught him kissing a friend and went Biblical. Billy runs into all of the above people and finds work caring for the sick father of an almost-as-cute guy. Real as they may be, the characters are never bland or dull. The sick father says to his single son about the son’s last date, “He seemed to like you. He loved my cherry pie.” Buy it HERE. You can see all sorts of other Arzitical movies, of whose hard or softcoredness or quality I know nothing whatsoever HERE.

As travel guides, the economically-priced, softcore GAY GETAWAYS (Ariztical.com) are more personal and perhaps more practical-minded than the gaudy, flash-edited BUMP! Series. For instance, self-driving host Greg Osborne recommends that you use GPS to navigate sprawling LAS VEGAS, and points out a handy Internet lounge. (You’ll recognize the Blue Moon Motel’s bedrooms, floodlit pool, and Jacuzzi from Xtreme movies!) The LGBT Center helps locate gay-friendly fun in less-than-gay-friendly Las Vegas. A leather shop supports a live theatre! Relaxed Osborne licks his fingers eating shrimp. The third of three half-hour episodes includes a tour of the eye-boggling architecture of that mad city, then a breathtaking escape to Hoover Dam and Lake Mead. Quite separate from the LAS VEGAS DVD is A TRIBUTE TO LIBERACE, which is also rather separate from anything else you’ll ever experience! First we get a full-scale Liberace imitation by a dynamite pianist named Wes Winters, with rococo candelabra, tiled piano, twinkling jacket, rhinestoned microphone and all, interspersed with footage of the real (if that’s the word) Liberace. Then comes a close-up tour of the Museum and Foundation, including those cars, and clothes, and jewels, and awe at the monumental audacity of the man. I live in L.A., and the four half-hour episodes of LOS ANGELES/PALM SPRINGS/HOT SPRINGS visit not one place I’d take you to if you were my gay guest here. That’s not because Gay Getaways steers you wrong. It only shows you how many L.A.s, even how many gay L.A.s, there are. Host Osborne’s West Hollywood consists of terraced hotel rooms, chic shops, spas, restaurants, and dancing-boy bars. His Palm Springs adds a resort hotel, Thai restaurant, A Hawaiian ice-cream stand, a B&D haberdasher, and a stunning aerial tramway up the mountains. In Hollywood, he takes a tour of celebrity and cinematic death and disaster sites. All the movies contain much more than I‘ve listed. All are fun and well worth the very little money they cost. Buy LAS VEGAS HERE. Buy A TRIBUTE TO LIBERACE HERE. Buy LOS ANGELES/ETCETERA HERE.

RETURN TO THE CAFFE CINO is a big., thick book packed with 22 plays, 37 brief memoirs, and 51 photos from the Greenwich Village storefront coffeehouse which was THE BIRTHPLACE OF OFF-OFF BROADWAY AND OF GAY THEATRE. For the HARDCOVER edition, go HERE. For the PAPERBACK edition, go HERE.

SEE ME ON VIDEO along with many other living legends of underground theatre HERE. Go down to the segment marked THE CAFFE CINO (00:11:45) and click on WATCH SEGMENT. If you are then curious to know yet more about the Caffe Cino, you may find the Contents Page to fifty-four picture pages about it HERE.

Check back next week for more Sinema by Porn O'Phile reviews.

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